so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
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