That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I just googled if crying burns calories
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Randomize
