i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
