every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize