so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
