you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
