Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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