I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
