shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
