I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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