Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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