So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
You can't special order awesome
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
