he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
