what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
