What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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