it hurts more in the daytime
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
