Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
My ATM looks so different sober.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
