Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
