just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I'm bleeding and have questions
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
