I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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