I should be sponsored by Trojan
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
