Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
