Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
