I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
