The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
