My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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