I faked an abortion last night.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
