were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
