I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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