I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I did not marry a roomba.
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