Heybabeimwearingurpanties
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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