Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
so explain again why im purple
no
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
