The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Randomize
