Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
