My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
