she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
