And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
