I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
