I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize