Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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