this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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