Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I need to stop coming to work sober
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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