Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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