Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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