Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
