she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
