I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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