All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
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