she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
