And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
