Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
