How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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