like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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