You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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