Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
