the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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