no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
