White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
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