yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize