Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I had to cum in my sink.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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