After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
