literally had 100 drinks last night.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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