who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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