she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
