And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
