...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
