He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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