I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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