That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
