i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
