i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
